The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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