ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
