Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
