Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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