Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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