The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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