Need sex. Gaining weight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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