Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
