I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
