Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
