Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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