I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
