Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
