Dude my mom stole all your condoms
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
