I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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