In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you never un-have a 4some
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
