Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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