No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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