I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
