the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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