So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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