walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
