to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
