its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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