Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
