just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
