Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
