I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
