He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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