Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
