last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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