Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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