i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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