I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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