the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
