All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
