Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
