i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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