He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
