a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My vagina is officially offended.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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