Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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