**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
