The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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