so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
