2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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