he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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