I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
