The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
