i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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