Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
