when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
