Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
